In Mik’s Words – “Medical Whirlwinds and Remembering My Purpose”

Posted: July 30, 2012 in Mikaela's Words, Uncategorized
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Posted by Mik:  After having one of the worst dysautonomia collapsing episodes and all the other symptoms that come along with it, my body still has not fully recovered. Three weeks ago, I was doing fairly decent when abruptly, I developed a strange new symptom. The inside of my body felt ice cold and every time  I breathed out it was like I was in the chilly winter air. I tried to concentrate on the summer school work I was doing at the moment, but the iciness within me was starting to become uncomfortable, and I was feeling extremely weird and “off”.

Knowing my body, I knew something was really wrong so I went to go tell my mom.   It took everything I had not to crumble down to the floor…I felt an intense dizzy / about to pass out feeling. I was able to tell her what was going on when I started to slur my words. My brain decided to stop working from there and every time my mom would try to ask me a question, I could not fully form words to respond back.

My mom dropped everything she was doing and started making phone calls to my doctor.  Then, another new symptom hit.   I felt my eyes involuntary move side to side rapidly. I was becoming prisoner in my body.  For a few moments, I was not able to function correctly whatsoever and despite my attempt to remain calm, it began to frighten me. Then, I started to develop a deep, intense pain within my chest to the point I was crying out. My mom quickly helped me to the car and took off to go past our local hospitals straight to the Medical Center about 40 minutes away from my house.

The car ride to the Children’s Memorial Herman Hospital, instead of the local hospital, was unbearable for me to say the least.  But the longer car ride was for the best since Children’s has more knowledge with my illness and is where my favorite Dr. Numan is. When we did arrive, I did my best to hold onto my consciousness while my mom pushed me in my wheelchair to the ER. I felt as if I was going to pass out at any time and I did as soon as we arrived inside.   As I came back to semi consciousness, I started to have a seizure-like episode. I remember my mom and a nurse helping me through the episode, but then I fainted again. They moved me to one of the ER rooms and I have vague memories of the following couple of hours.  I had extreme brain fog; was speaking in a slow slur and it was hard for me to hold onto a thought for more than a few seconds.  Also, I had trouble sitting up because when I did, my heart would race at a fast rate and I would faint.

I remember Dr. Numan coming in to see me with one of his fellow cardiologists.  He changed some of my medications, thinking I was having a bad reaction to one I was taking for possible Myasthenia Gravis.  Since it was a rough day for me, they considered having me stay overnight for observation.  However, since there was not much more they could do for me at that time and the goal was to keep me comfortable, I went home knowing that I would be able to rest better there.  I was glad to go home, but bothered that, at least at this time, there are not too many more treatments we can try right now besides tweaking my medicine regimen.  The thought broke my heart. I loathe the unknown –  of not being able to find any answers to cure this once and for all.

So my current medicine routine is Florinef 3 times per day.  Plus taking:  Propranolol (for racing heart), and Zoloft (to help increase the Serotonin levels in my brain.  During my testing last year, the spinal tap showed I had low levels of Serotonin.  One theory is if these levels are really low, it can trigger the Vagal Nerve which can set off the Dysautonomia symptoms.)

On a positive side note from these negatives: I was very glad to have a reason to smile that day despite my circumstances.  After laying down for several hours in the ER, my mental fog improved (though still couldn’t sit up very well.)  As I was waiting to be released, here comes strolling in my new nurse for the evening who could be a duplicate Channing Tatum.   After having to force away my Cheshire cat grin and force myself not to look at my mom because I knew without a doubt both of us would burst out laughing, I had to try and answer the usual “how are you feeling” questions he was asking me before moving on to the discharge paperwork.  Much to my embarrassment, my heart rate sped up just from him walking in the room and the heart monitor gave me away.  Maybe I can just blame the lack of blood flow to my brain for how I was acting?  Or the fact that it is rare that I see much of the male species considering I am mostly homebound?

Whatever the reason….it was a good way to end a bad day. : )

Luckily, I have not been in as much pain the week following my trip to the ER.  However,  I have been extremely exhausted, weak, and suffering from worse than usual brain fog. This was a struggle in particular due to having to finish up the school work to meet a deadline.  I was incredibly frustrated because I needed to get the work done, but I could not think straight at all. Getting all the work done took me longer than normal, but I was very relieved when I got it all completed.

Finally, this past Monday was the first morning I woke up feeling better than I usually do and it was the day of my appointment to see my cardiologist, Dr. Numan.  He was happy to see that I was looking much better than I did in the ER, but was not happy to see that my blood pressure is still low despite 3 doses per day of Florinef. He adjusted my medications again (added back the Midrodrine which will help with the low blood pressure) and Amitriptyline which will help with my headaches (though not near as severe as the very debilitating migraines I had in Jan 2011.  These still hurt in a different way and becoming a  problem lately.) We will see how the medications help my symptoms.  And, hoping no severe symptoms rear its ugly head again in the near future,  I will see him again in three months.

Due to the rough time I have been having physically, it has also taken a toll on me emotionally. With the incapability of being able to do much of anything and feeling rotten the past few weeks, all of it combined really brought me down. As I just laid there in bed for days, I started to have long conversations with God. I asked Him what He wants me to do.

Trying to remind myself of my purpose through all of this and praying to continue to try to make something good out of all of this, I asked Him to help me become an even stronger person to help inspire and motivate others. If I can make meaning of this – a purpose – then all of this will not be in vain.  Because I was basically feeling blue and unsure of myself, which can sneak up on me from time to time despite my best attempts to keep it at bay, I spent this quiet time with God repeating this phrase and plea:  I really want to continue to try to turn this situation around and dramatically to do something positive.

This is why Mik’s Hidden Hearts Alliance is so important to me.  If I, with the help of others, can brighten the day of just one teen in my situation, this will be an answered prayer for me.

On the following day when  I still could not completely shake the “blues”.  My mom came to tell me we got a response from one of the teens my charity sent a Hope Kit to. The message the teen’s mother wrote really touched my heart.  It also brought me joy because she sent pictures of his happy smile face with the Hope Kit. It reminded me of who I was and what my purpose is.  There is nothing in this world that I love more than helping others.  And I thank God for giving me such a “quick response” to the prayer I said the day before.  He reaffirmed my purpose through the testimonial sent by that appreciative mom and teen.

Your purpose:  I want to remind all of you who are struggling that you have a purpose, too. I know it may not seem like it in the moments your illness is pulling you down, (trust me, I’ve been there) but you honestly do. You have the power to inspire and help others.  Due to your own experiences, you can even help change other people lives for the better.

Because you are going through your own storm, you can help another person get through theirs.

Reason to smile this week!  I have been having meetings for upcoming events for Mik’s Hidden Hearts Alliance that I’m SUPER excited about. Those details will be available to you all very soon 🙂

Also if you are a teen with Dysautonomia or any other chronic illness and need someone to talk,  you can email me at mikaela@hiddenhearts.org or you can message me on my Miks Hidden Hearts Alliance For Dysautonomia facebook page or website:  www.MiksHiddenHearts.org. Whether it is for personal support or you just plain need someone to talk to, I’m here.

*DYS SONG OF THE DAY : What You Want by Evanescence

This is my favorite band of all time since I was little and I am a HUGE fan of Amy Lee (the lead singer) She’s awesome, and  I hope one day I can meet her personally. This is my theme song, I guess you can say.  It is a song about freedom and to keep on following your dreams and to not let anything get in your way.

Do what you, what you want

If you have a dream for better

Do what you, what you want

’til you don’t want it anymore (remember who you really are)

Do what you, what you want

Your world’s closing in on you now (it isn’t over)

Stand and face the unknown (got to remember who you really are)

Every heart in my hands

Like a pale reflection

Hello, hello, remember me?

I’m everything you can’t control

Somewhere beyond the pain

There must be a way to believe

We can break through

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Comments
  1. Brook says:

    Mikaela, may you never lose sight that what you are doing is so incredibly important. I am just awe-inspired by you. God truly has a purpose for you, and He is working through you. You might not even know when you are helping others, but that doesn’t mean that what you are doing and how you are overcoming your obstacles isn’t a blessing to someone who needs something to get through their personal obstacles. You have the strongest heart of anyone I know! God bless you!

  2. Paula Henry McIntire says:

    Hi there, I graduated with your mom, I follow her posts on facebook about your illness and how your feeling, I think about you often (even though I dont know you and you dont know me) I think what you are doing if awesome, you are such a young beautiful girl going through so much and instead of letting it bring you down, you do just the opposite, staying on the positive side. There are not many people that could do that, I am so proud of you, stay strong and keep up the good work, we are all put on this earth for a reason, God has great plans in store for you, I believe he is looking down on you and is very proud. God Bless..

  3. Maia Reinheimer says:

    There are many causes of low blood pressure. Taking pain killers can also cause low blood pressure so be careful when taking it.

    • Thank you for your comment. Because of Mikaela’s illness, she does not respond to pain killers. (They do not seem to ease her pain, therefore does not take them.) So, in her case, this could not be causing it. Low blood pressure is just one of many of the symptoms with Dysautonomia and is not the alone determining factor in diagnosing this. It is very important for people who suspect they may have the many symptoms of Dysautonomia to ask their doctor to check their blood pressure while sitting and standing up. This bp results could show orthostatic intolerance, which is a hallmark feature of Dysautonomia. Also, the tilt table test is one of the primary tests to diagnosis this illness. To learn more about Dysautonomia, please see our website at http://www.mikshiddenhearts.org.

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